For me being frumless is being free. I am free from worrying about what I am supposed to be doing. I am free to use my own common sense to make my own choices. I do not need to ask a rabbi what food I can eat, which places I can enter, which days I can work, If I can use contraception, if I can have sexual relations with my husband and much much more.
I feel truly free to use my own brains to make these decisions. A common argument made by ultra orthodox jews as to why they can’t make these choices on their own and must ask a rabbis advice is “the nazis used their own brains”.
My answer to this argument is the nazis did not use their own brains or common sense. They all followed one leader. They did not question Hitler, they did not use their common sense to think whether what their leader was doing was reasonable. They did as they were told.
This is not freedom. Freedom is being able to use your own brain to make your own choices. Freedom is not having to ask a rabbi for every little aspect of your life. Freedom is choosing what you do in life and accepting the outcome of your actions. Freedom is living a frumless life.