So what?

In the ultra orthodox world I was brought up to think that ultra orthodox jews were superior to all other people. I honestly believed that only ultra orthodox jews had morals. I honestly believed that non frum and non jewish people lived a life of sin.

It took me a long time to stop looking down on people who weren’t ultra orthodox and to start looking up to them. I was brainwashed from a young age that religious people were good and not religious people were bad and goyim (not jewish people) were the worst. While this message wasn’t taught to me in those exact words, this was the message I received.

Years of being told that if you do mitzvot and follow the stricts ways of god you’re a good person so the others must be bad, right?

On my frumless journey I came up with the attitude of; so what?! When I asked about how someone was and I was told they are good but they are with a goy. My response became, so what? When I’m told someone is not reigous I say; so what? What’s the big deal?

Once I realised that people who were not religous and not jewish actually had morals and lived honest lives free from the ultra orthodox ways. I finally realized that these people were amazing people. Once I learnt not to dislike someone because they weren’t jewish or religious. I realized it’s ok to talk and mix with these people. That they are not criminals and sinners. Once I realised this I began to pity the religious I pitied the close mindedness which prevented them for seeing the good in others. I pitied the close mindedness which caused them to dismiss a person based on them not being ultra orthodox.

Still today many judge me as a bad person due to my beliefs or lack thereof. Its hard to see a person based their morals alone. I have morals- plenty of them. Just because I don’t dress a certain way and keep the sabbath and pray doesn’t make me a bad person in the real world. In the real world these things don’t matter. In the real world you’re judged based upon how you act. However to many ultra orthodox people I am a terrible influence which needs to be kept away from their sheltered homes and small minded communities. Even some of my siblings are ashamed of my open and outspoken beliefs. Isn’t it sad that in this day and age people still have to worry about how their siblings behavior will effect their shudduchim (marriage arrangements). 

Well I really am sorry but I’m not going to put on a show for you or for anyone. I have one life to live and if you don’t like the way I live it, So what?!


3 thoughts on “So what?

  1. David Apple

    Like your blog – written with true feeling. FYI – much of what you have written applies not just to ‘ultra orthodox judaism’ but to virtually all of orthodox judaism.


  2. MeToo

    Story of my life! I can relate to your blog just about word for word. Outstanding and brilliant write up on this topic of “so what”. 💯💯💯



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